I walk through the front door and say “I’m home Saul!” No one answers. I think to myself ‘Well it is Tuesday, maybe he went shopping?’ I decide to make myself a snack, peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk. I close the knife drawer with my hip, and a shooting pain rushes through my leg. I yelp, and start to breath in agony. I put the knife down and grab my hip. I expose my hip to find that I am bruised and its purple and green. I get reminded of the last time I had this color bruising… back when I was with my aunt and uncle. My face goes numb and I know what to do. I leave my sandwich and go get the first aide kit. I grab some Gauss and wrap my waist and hip with it. I put water on the stove to boil, get a rag and dip it in the boiling hot water and set it to slightly cool to where I could put it on my skin. It burned, it hurt, tears flowed; but I knew from past experiences that now I would be fine.

I thought back to how I got the bruise, and remembered Jorge. I feel myself blush. Then I’m reminded of Michael… the boy with the orange who fought off a monster bullfrog… who followed me today. I shake my head and realize maybe I just had an episode and that really didn’t happen? Monsters and heroes, powers? No it was too ridiculous.

I ate my PB&J, drank my milk and got ready for bed. Not 5 minutes in bed and I fall asleep.

The next day, the third day, I went invisible. No one noticed me. The girls who I had interacted with left me alone and I didn’t see Jorge. I went home, I didn’t see Saul, ate a snack, did homework and went to sleep.

The rest of the week went well, everyday that ended uneventful, I just went about my day. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Finally Friday. I look for Saul as soon as I get home and don’t find him. I get frustrated, he hasn’t been here for me lately. But, I shrug and feel proud that I have been able to take care of myself. I decide to go out, my own personal secret.

The next morning I wake up slowly and take a deep breath. I smell nothing. I get up and change to day clothes and walk to the kitchen, expecting to see Saul; but there is no one there. I wait around for the only adult I really trust and know, Saul, the person I consider to be my father figure. The person I care about the most, where is he? I think back to the last time I saw him and realize that its been a few days… A sense of panic sets in. How could I not see it, how did this pass by me, how could I not know?! I sit in bed, stuck.

For that moment I am frozen, stuck in an seemingly endless cycle of my past memories. I feel cold, its raining. I look at my hand and its cold because I was touching the car window. We are driving to the cabin, such a happy place. I am 10 years old, we have been coming here since I could remember, as early as five.

I still remember my fifth birthday, just me, mom and dad. We lived in a neighborhood where it was nice, every one was nice to me. I loved it there. Then, all out of the blue we moved, everything changed, life changed.

We moved to a house that was smaller, dad no longer stayed with mom like he used to. Mom always said “Dad went to work darling.” While he was away, Saul would come and stay with us. Mom gave me singing lessons and I always got the songs right, sometimes even before she would teach it to me. I can still remember her happy loving face.

I wish I could remember when I first started to see Saul around, but I was just a baby. Mom and dad tried to keep a lot of old belongings away from me. But just once, I went into that room and saw Uncle Saul carrying me as a baby, smiling, holding me with my parents in the background. They looked weird but very happy.

The long drive that awful night gave me such a wonderful opportunity to really think back and solidify my memories of the really beautiful moments I had up until that point with my parents. Some big news had occurred, Mom was pregnant. She was surprised, maybe even a little appalled that she was pregnant. I remember asking her if “I was going to have a sibling?” She asked me “why?” I replied, “because momma, I want to be a big sister to a baby brother.” She looked at me and smiled sweetly, she got up and made a call as I left to play in my room. Next thing I knew we were coming to the cabin as a surprise visit.

I turn to see who it is, and its the coffee cream girl. “Why are you following me?”

I am surprised to see her and I squeak out a meek “no….no”, she squeezes my arms and says “Show me you schedule.” She lets me go to get my schedule, and shoves me towards the back as her group of friends look at my schedule.

As she is checking it, her hands clench and wrinkle my paper. She throws it to the me but it falls to the ground and I reach for it. She looks down to me and bends over to warn me “If you breath a word of what you saw in the garden, I will kick your ass.” Scared I look down and say “I-i-i wont” and she turns to the door and goes inside.

She scared me. She was mean and frightening. I never felt this scared for anyone that wasn’t my aunt and uncle. I take a minute to collect myself, I look around and nobody looks at me. I get up and I go inside. I walk in and give Mr. Bucanon my pass and he tells me to take a seat. He dims the lights and we proceed to watch a bill bye video about ecosystems and general biology terms. This class goes on with out a problem, though I feel coffee cream staring me down. I decide to ignore it, because while in the classroom I feel safe, I am safe.

The bell rings and I forget the whole ordeal. History had really taken my mind far away into the past. I wait for the students to leave, because I need to talk to Mr. Bucanon about the day before. I feel relieved that I don’t have to have a confrontation with her.

I leave his class 5 minutes later, and feel mildly depressed at the sheer volume of work that I will have to do in this class. High school is no joke. I look around and see people eating, it dawns on me; it’s lunch time. I walk and I feel like I’m being followed, I look back and sure enough there he is. Michael. I turn back around and continue to walk to the line for food. He follows. I go to sit down by myself and he follows. I move again and he follows me. I feel like I can’t even eat in front of him. I get angry.

I grab the burger and throw away the tater tots and side salad, and walk away again. Finally I stop and turn around and ask “What do you want from me?” “I needed you to be alone and secluded” he says. I realize that there is no one around me. He annoyed me until he had me where he wanted me… my face must have shown I was shocked, because then he said worriedly, “hey, hey, relax. I still just wanted to talk.”

I repeat, “What do you want from me?”

He walks towards me. And he says with every step, “please…just…stay…right…there.” He is two-steps away and he looks down to me, and with a brave face I stare him down. I will not go down without a fight, no matter what he may try to do.

We hear a teacher yell, “Go to class! The bell isn’t working! Go to class!”

Instinctively, I bite my burger and start to walk away. I past him and tell him “gotta go!” I hear him yell “hey, wait!” and then I hear him say “she’s not ready”.

I finish my burger quickly and head to Language Arts, which is a fancy word for writing/reading/speaking English. This time no issues, I go into class before it starts and I speak to my teacher regarding my absent. I take my seat and I stare at the people coming to class. Just like on the bus I start to day-dream about what their lives are like. And then I saw her.

A girl that resonated and called attention to herself in such a marvelous way. Windy. Popular Windy, the girl even I have heard about. There is just something about her that just draws attention to her. But, not me. I see her and feel nothing. I see how others react to her, and I can imagine what that feels like, but I personally don’t feel that about her. She seems like a normal, typical, average girl to me. Either way, I need to avoid her as much as possible so that I can go back to being unnoticed.

Class ends. Everything ends just like the second day of school should. I go to my last class, and it goes well. Art is, well art. I get on the bus, and it’s on time. I go home.

The class soon ends, and being on the last row I find myself waiting for those in front to leave, I feel my stomach rumble and my hand is quick to hold it in hopes that it will quiet down. I feel my face blush and I can’t believe that I feel THIS hungry. It’s a feeling that I had not felt in a very long time.

Instantly I’m reminded of my past. I think of how Saul would sneak food in for me on the days when my Auntie and Uncle would punish me, but being the “good girl” that I was, I never ate it. I took my punishment with honor and would only eat when permitted.

They controlled what I ate and when, what I did and when, and where I was and when; they were the reason why I had gained so much weight. They would starve me all day or longer and then feed me huge portions and make me finish them. Soon, all the feelings of sadness begin to flow through my heart. What monsters would deny a child food? I catch myself making an angry sad face and I force myself to smile.

It’s finally my turn to go and I make plans to go to the snack station so that I may get food. I know I have 7 minutes between classes and if I go straight there and to class I will make it. As I walk, I see Michael, waiting by the door, I roll my eyes, let out a sigh, and walk straight through not even pausing to talk to him. I am able to take a few steps before he says “Hey, red! Hold up!”

I keep walking pretending that I don’t know that he is talking to me, and then he appears in front of me so quickly that I am unable to stop and bump into him. My hands on his chest, I push him away hoping that no one saw, secretly hoping that Jorge did not see. I look around and he says “Relax, I just want to talk” as he hold his hands up in the air.

I look at him sternly and continuing to walk I say “What do you want?”

Again he walks in front of me to stop me and says, “It’s not about what I want, it’s about what you need from me” he smirks and winks at me.

Annoyed that he wont get out of my way I reply, “If its about the notes, don’t worry about it, I’m a good student and I will catch up on my own” and then I reach for his shoulder and push him aside as I check my watch. Now I must go directly to science, another class I never attended the day before. Having wasted that time on him, now I didn’t have time to go get a snack. Annoyed I realize that now I must wait for lunch. I walk away, and he doesn’t follow me, my mood darkens, I know that as time passes by, it is inevitable that I WILL get hangry. Angry VERY easily because I am hungry.

As I’m walking to science class I hear a faint whimper, I’m honestly surprised I heard it. I look around and I can’t figure out where it’s coming from. After looking around I see nothing, I stop myself and wonder ‘Whhat? If someone IS crying why is it that THIS time I care.’ I start walking towards my class again and I hear it clearer this time. I’m heading towards it and rather than take a different route, (which is what I would normally do) I feel the need to keep walking. Something is pulling me to this person.

I turn the corner and its the garden the school has for us to grow our own produce for lunch. really most students use it as a make out area. I walk through the entrance and I hear the noise coming from a… wall. I look right and then left and see no way to go in, so I stick out my hand in the shrubbery and walk forward. I am able to go inside, this wasn’t a wall. It was just vines.

Inside I see this African American girl, sitting down and crying. Before I am able to make my presence heard, I hear her say “Why ma? Why couldn’t you just be a good person..” I walk forward and trip on a vine. I catch myself and she quickly turns away and wipes her tears. She snaps at me and says “What are you doing here?”

I say “I’m sorry I was just… was wondering around and bumped into this place,… are you ok? I heard you crying and I thou…” “YES, I am fine…” She cuts me off and she grabs her stuff and walks towards me. I look down and get out of her way and feel useless. For whatever reason her sadness, got to me. She was tall and very beautiful, her skin reminded me of regular coffee with one mini cup of cream in it. Just pure and sweet. Though even in her sharpness she was still beautiful.

I stay in there, something in this place just holds me here, I stop feeling my breath and stop feeling my hands. I go numb and feel weak. I wobble, something in here is holding me there and I feel myself struggle to leave. Slowly I take steps to get out and even though I am struggling I feel that I’m doing okay, it’s hard but I’m getting away. I finally get out and the bell rings. I am able to run to my next class just as he is about to close the door. I am supposed to be in my science class, with Mr. Bucanon, but I see a woman inside. Maybe a substitute? I ask if this is Mr. Bucanon’s class and she replies that the change was made yesterday, his class would be in room 1201 not 1102. So I calmly ask her for a pass, explaining to her that I was not able to attend class the day before and I go. As I’m about to go inside my actual class, a hand grabs my hand and yanks me to the left.

I think to myself ‘why is it that people keep grabbing me?!’