I’m not too sure what happened after that, but things got better. I was treated like a human being. And I was put into ballet, singing lessons, I played the flute, and played soccer. Saul would encourage me to go out and try new things. I would ask my guardians and they always said yes. Then she got pregnant. And with that her sanity began to unravel, I felt for her.

When she shared the news with me, I was happy for her. I knew that a baby would bring a wonderful time to the family. At first, the news brought great joy to the house, we laughed and I was involved with helping her with anything she needed. The first few months things were great, then something changed. I guess someone found out my aunt was pregnant, she had told me to keep it a secret, so the only person I told was Saul and he would never betray my trust. I knew that she would actively try to hide it from him and get silent when he would come around her. If we would talk about her baby, she would change the conversation to include all babies. I always found it suspicious.

Actually, …wait, I remember why…

It was years later, I walked in on Saul talking on the phone, before this I didn’t even bother to think of Saul having a family or anything like friends. He was just always there for me. So when I saw him on the phone I remember thinking that it was weird and stayed by the door to hear what he was talking about to see if I could see who he was talking to. I remember him saying, “She’s pregnant again? Well, this time she can have it. Since Magenta is in good health and away from any harm,… yea, yea, she has been doing great. We don’t have to get rid of that one, we know who the right heir is now anyways…” I remember getting bored and walked away because I heard my cartoon come back on.

So then…,

I guess she hid it from Saul because if she was pregnant while I was under her care, I might die? Maybe she wanted to make her child the only heir? Why kill me though? It’s not like it was my fault for being born. So then, Saul killed her baby? Saul would never do that! Never! So then, it was her deteriorating mental state that made her loose her baby. Just like the doctor said.

When she began to plan for the arrival of her baby, she was maybe 7 months along, I remember that some people came and took everything away. From one day to the next, we went from joy to depression. No one was allowed to talk about babies or young things. I tried to stay out of her war path because the mere sight of me drove her insane. I questioned my value and saw myself as a person who was so bad. What else could I be? If she acted that way towards me, then I must have been doing something wrong. She had me so well trained to believe that.

When I first moved in, I went along with what the family routine was. I thought that I should fit into whatever their normal was. I went to the school they wanted, I did everything that they wanted. There was a fight going on over where I should live and with whom. There were some strangers who I had never met that wanted me, they wanted me so bad.

But, when the judge asked me with whom I wanted to live, I chose the only family I had. I had chosen my fate and me being in that situation made me feel like it was all my fault. I had chosen what punishment to get, for having had something to due with my parents death. When they heard that they won me, I remember their reaction was lacking. But I was just happy that the judge has chosen someone that I at least knew.

For a while things were routine, but then when I made a friend and asked to do… something, I don’t really remember what it was. My aunt got very upset and annoyed. She complained that “Well, if this is were our money is going to go now! We don’t have money for that and our vacation that we already paid half of.” I was just a bother, I quieted down and apologized.

Not soon after that, my friend moved away. Every single friend I ever made after that moment, moved away. She saw me cry after the third one and told me that it was because I was supposed to be friendless, that because I was so worthless any one who came in contact with me would get their lives ruined by first moving away. She would tell me that if I liked someone then I should just stay away, and admire who they were from a far.

I remember liking different people and they moved away. Then when I would meet someone nice, I would stay away and just quietly and sneakily watch them from far away. That’s when I noticed the evil side of all people.