It’s Sunday and I know that if the repetition started today then the whole week will be repeated, I look at what I made and sure enough my breakfast of eggs and toast changes to a left over massacre of a snack binge from the “night before”, a night so long ago when I cried about Saul. But, no time for tears, I wipe away a forming tear from my tear duct and say, “I’m on a mission to find Saul,and I need answers. He wouldn’t just leave me, not for this long without any sign of communication unless something was wrong” I say to myself.

‘For the 8 weeks that I didn’t notice anything, I’ve had to deal with other issues… like that BOY!’ I sneer to the side “pfffft”. ‘Stupid boy.’

“Wait a second…” flashbacks of the past 8 weeks rush my mind. ‘He was always different… he… was always… DIFFERENT!’ Shook, I stand there and re count so many times when he talked to me. They are all different.

I always tried to get away from him and he always found me. EVERYONE acted the same way but he didn’t… he always reacted to my actions. I cover my mouth with my hand in disbelief and take a seat .

That stupid son of a bitch, who used an orange to fight a goddamn monster, the same boy who hasn’t stopped pestering me about meeting him after school…. could he? I’ve caught him looking at me a few times, almost wishing I’d somehow recognize who he is, but…. I can’t help but feel freaked out about a guy who just looks at me that way. Is he after revenge? For what? Not recognizing him…? Nah. And then he wants me to meet him after school?

‘That feeling!’

I look through my clues and write it down. Quickly, I hide my paperwork and place it in a secret place. That feeling of being watched again. Coming back to my kitchen table, I get another coffee and think.

‘I might be judging just a little too harshly, I recognize that, but let’s be real. A magic infused dude pops out of nowhere, just in time to fight a horrible monster, and then a family member disappears; it doesn’t sound like a coincidence to me,… it must be connected somehow, it has to be. Gosh, after so many weeks of him asking me to meet him maybe he was the connection to Saul that I needed all along!’ Hope begins to arise in my heart.

“No.”

‘Stop it.’

“Don’t get your hopes too high.” I tell myself.

‘For all I know, what this guy wants might have nothing to do with Saul leaving. I need to be smart about this. We need to meet in a public place, with close police surveillance. I have never forgotten who I am, and what I potentially mean to other people who might recognize me. The last thing I need is for a ransom to be asked for and because I have no one right now, it wouldn’t get paid.’ I begin to sit once again at my table and think, ‘Should I take that risk?’

“Is that right?” a male voice from the window says.

I turn around so fast I feel like I almost gave myself whiplash, but there is no one there. I run to the window, open it and look around and yell “Who ever you are, leave me alone! I will find out who you are!!” angered and annoyed I yell.

I look at my neighbors and they stare. I know I’m not crazy. I know that I need to be careful. Part of me is scared to holy hell that I feel like I want to go back with my aunt and uncle because at least there I would know what to expect. I force a laugh, “No, what you know is how bad it was. What I know is that even alone and here,” I take a deep breath, “I am better than I was before” I reassure myself.

‘For my inner peace,…’ I place my right hand over my heart, ‘for my state of mind,…’ I place my other hand over the first, ‘…and to cross off all possibilities; Yes, I should take the risk.’ I whisper “Saul wouldn’t stop looking for me, and I can’t stop looking for my dad,…”

Shocked I think ‘My Dad? I never realized how much I cared about Saul.’ I tear up.

I have a viable solution, I’ll meet Michael next Monday after school. That will give me time to search and prep the local where we will meet and he will talk to me about whatever it is he needs to talk to me about. All right, its time for me to get ready. A night out, here I come!

Monday the next day.

I know what route I have to take to avoid the people who I now know not to talk to. The repercussions of those actions I’ve already lived through once.

From Above.

‘There she is! I’d say right on time, but you were never one to be poignant, just one to get there when needed most.’ He observes her, she avoids contacting person #1, and dodges #2, accepted the invite for next Monday (hehehehe looks like I got her) from person #3, and SHE MADE IT to period 1. ‘Looks like she learned from her past mistakes, her training is going well. I just hope she’s the right one. I don’t need another useless psychic.’

An announcement as Period 1 settles down:

Reminder to all students to walk in pairs as there have been reports on an unidentifiable adult wearing a disguise. Some students and parents have yet to respond to some missing reports. Please be advised to walk in pairs everyday and do not, under any circumstances, go anywhere alone. Including while on campus. Thank you.

I wake up smacking my alarm clock. “Damn, that was different.” It’s Sunday.

Saul always told me that when my life was ready to have purpose and meaning, all of what my life actually was would come to the light. He would tell me this every time I had a nightmare about my family. It always made me feel better. I smile. ‘I’m so grateful to be where I am now. I can’t just throw this opportunity away. Saul convinced me to come back to my birthplace, where my family lived before everything went bad. If Saul left, it must have been to protect me from them. So, I have to do my part now. Determined I get out of bed and follow my morning routine.

On the bus I smell coffee, it makes my mouth water. I never realized how much I relied on Saul for my morning routine. Somberly I think, ‘Oh Saul,…’ my hands tighten, ‘I hope you are all right wherever you are.’ A tear swells in my eye, I sniff it away.

From the moment I stepped off the bus today I felt awry. Like I needed to be careful. I felt so uneasy everyone made me nervous. I had to go out and get some personal emergency supplies. I needed easy to make food, Saul never got to teaching me how to cook. I needed to make sure that certain accounts were taken care of, basically following protocol. A protocol he taught me when we first got away. I think being in this situation has me on edge and maybe that’s why I feel that someone is following me. Considering they found me once before…. I arrive to my destination and begin to shop.

I finish getting everything, I get some comfort items to distract me. So few times he has allowed me to distract myself by wanting to redecorate my room or remodel some space. He said that it was ok to do it, so long as I didn’t feel or think about how I was alone. He always warned me that feeling alone is how the darkness grows. I head inside my house and start to organize the decorations I bought.

But….

Tears flowing down my face as I hold up two frames. ‘I feel so alone! Oh Saul! I really wish you were here with me, I desperately need to be with someone. Anyone! I wish I had company….’ with tears running down my face and breaking down a few times, I finally finish the night decorating my room and general living area. I mix granola, yogurt and half an opened can of peaches as my snack/lunch. My eyes are tired of crying, my lungs just want to breath normally, i take a spoonful of my snack and the crunchy sweet yogurt just brightens my whole day. I forget my eyes, lungs,  and heartache and go to town on the snack. Feeling blissful I do my homework as I eat, finishing that I take a bubble bath with some music playing, got on the internet to watch some videos and went to sleep.

Monday Morning

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Fast  Forward

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Monday Morning (#11 Since Saul’s Disappearance)

I wake up, pretend that it’s a new day. Deep down my fear grows, I know its not. It’s the same day over and over the same week over and over, just all the same.

For a whole week my school days have been on repetition, I wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, get ready for bed and go to sleep. On the weekend I stay home and study or watch videos as well as chores. My typical normal routine, with a minor and forgivable change, studying was the last thing on my mind. All that being said, I wasn’t sure when or how it happened, but it did. I think back as I put on a robe, it’s been getting colder.

As I head to the kitchen and start to turn things on to make my breakfast, I can’t help but be annoyed. I look out the window as I wait for my coffee, it’s September, and school here starts in August and goes for a full 10 months, what a drag! I much prefer the school district I went to when my parents were alive…., I think somberly, they had 3 months on and 1 month off. Getting used to this schedule change wasn’t supposed to be hard, but without Saul it has been a hell of an adjustment.

It has been 11 repetitions of this same week in September, what should have been the first week in December. If the weather here year-round wasn’t too similar, then maybe I would have noticed sooner. I think to myself ‘If I was in Vermont in what used to be our summer home, I would have absolutely noticed. Normally on the 9th week I’d be stressed for finals or other reasons. Boy did I feel stupid when I first noticed, if I would have just studied like how I was supposed to, I would have…’ DING my food is done.

Once I served my food onto my plate, I start to wash the dishes I used before I eat and think back to how I finally figured it out. Unfortunately, it took me until repetition #8 to realize that things were happening exactly the same. I was going crazy with ideas on how I could figure out, how long had I been stuck repeating the same week?

Luckily, I had marked my calendar like I typically do, so I knew how many weeks had passed by and by finally studying my class notes I was able to see how often I had been taking the same notes over and over again. What was worse is that each set of notes had the same September date, not realizing even then, that I was re-writing the same dates and notes over and over again. I sigh, ‘I just couldn’t study, I just couldn’t concentrate in school’ and think as I sit down to eat.

I look at the data and clues I was able to collect. I have tested the waters with what I can and can’t do the last 3 repetitions. ‘I was lucky that I even noticed, if it wasn’t for being used to a 3 month schedule… but the reason I hadn’t noticed was because…’ I start to eat.