I sip my tea again and continue, “Saul, th…there is something different here, and I don’t know what it is but I can feel it…..” he looks at me strangely as he takes a seat near my bed, “…and the weirdest thing of all is that I’m not afraid. Like, before when girls would try to befriend me and boys tried to talk with me, even if it was to ask a question, it was very easy to ignore them and walk away so as to not get any attention to myself, just like I had always planned,” I look up at him and see his disapproving face go down, “But today,…” he looks up, “I talked to a girl, in Spanish, and it felt like she was my best friend, as if I had known her all of my life…” still looking at him I see his face turn to a happy face.
“Maybe, if it isn’t too bold, Miss Levine,” he proceeded carefully, “this move will turn out to be the best thing to happen to us since we left your aunt and uncle. Here you will be able to have what they never permitted you to have, and the one thing you continue to believe is unnecessary because of how they had you in their solemn grip. Maybe accepting this girl’s friendship will finally open your eyes to what you have been missing” he says smilingly.
I sigh and roll my eyes, but in a joking matter, and think sarcastically ‘Augh I’m surprised he didn’t say true friendship… or something. Who needs that…’ knowing that all he wants is the best for me.
He had always wanted the best for me. As he picks up the tray and leaves, I fondly remember how he had saved my life. A father figure, truly worthy of the name, father. He was the one who supported me when I had tried to get away from my aunt and uncle, not caring of the consequences.
I look down at my cup, and as the cup’s liquid swirls I am put in a daze and the images of some names come into my head, I can’t see them clearly, but I can hear voices like they are yelling for each other. Soon my head is filled with this unsettling feeling again and I close my eyes to drown it out, but it isn’t working, I begin to panic and look around for my medicine. Shaking my head and unable to see clearly I think to myself, ‘Twice in one day, ever since it’s started it has never been this bad.’ Then Saul comes in and asks if I want more tea. All of a sudden the commotion stops, and I stop and look at him. Not wanting to worry him I quickly say yes and he walks over to re-fill my cup. As he does he asks “So, Miss Levine do you have any homework?”
I say no, and he looks at me questioningly. I look up at him and say, “Actually, that’s one thing that I wanted to talk to you about. Today was a really strange day, not only about the girl I talked to, but there’s more.” He looks at me a bit surprised and takes a seat near me like before. “I also met a boy…” I see his face intrigued and my face begins to tingle, “and I was also atta…” Clash! Before I am able to tell him the rest of my day we both turn towards the door in the direction of the sound outside. He excuses himself to check it out and before I try to even get up, he says “Please Miss Levine, I will take care of it.”
Looking back to this day, I can’t help but think and wonder what would had happened if I had gotten up with him? Maybe I could have helped him, maybe I could have done something….
But no, that was not my fate. On that day I lost the man who I loved as a father. The man who after he lost everything was there for me. Who refused to give up on me, and gave me hope to continue on. He helped me to move forward and have trust in myself. Constantly told me that I was special, and that great things would come my way.
I always thought that in a way he was full of shit, telling me lies to make me feel better, but now…. wherever he is…. I know he was right. This was the first day of the rest of my life, and it had some of the worst memories that I often wish had never happened, it was the worst day that could have ever happened to me up to that point, and it took me forever to realize it. Often I would think that if I had just realized sooner, or had called him on his cell phone, that maybe things would have been different, but no. That day I lost Saul. That night he left my room to check that noise and never came back.